How to Make Friends as a Grown Woman

For a long time--probably since graduating high school!--I have felt like I didn't have very many friends.  I have a lot of friendly acquaintances, but in all of those relationships there is a degree of self-consciousness and anxiety because I am extremely shy and (I think) awkward.  I have a very difficult time getting to know new people so moving 12 times in 7.5 years has not done me any favors.  It can be lonely at times, but I've been able to suppress the loneliness pretty well, especially since becoming a Mom.  I can put all my time and energy into my kids who need and love me, right?  Well, that only works for awhile, and then I start feeling the lack of girlfriends who I could relax and recharge with.  I recently read a series of posts on a blog (Inevergrewup.net) that were all about how to make and keep friendships as a grown woman.  Wait?  Other people struggle with this, too?  It isn't just me?  Anyway, there were some really good points about friendship.  Things that I need to remember and work on, so I'm going to post them here:

-Complement freely (but genuinely)

-Show up.  BE a good friend yourself.  Offer to watch her kids, take her dinner when she's sick or had a baby, go to the movies together.  Answer the call and sometimes beat her to the punch in calling and inviting.  If you look and pray for friendships the moments will present themselves.  Moments for you to help and when you let them help you back.

-Be the one to strike up a conversation with someone new.  Look them in the eye and say hello!  Smile!  If you wait for people to approach you, you will probably be disappointed.  They are probably too timid, too!  Show interest in others and find out about them.  Ask their birthday and then bring them a treat!  Get involved in church activities, neighborhood get togethers, etc...

-Be a good listener-concentrate on what they are saying and formulate a response that isn't all about you.

-Don't be flaky.  When you bail on something you said you would do, you are telling that person, "You're not important enough to me to keep my commitment"

-Act on impulses to do good.  Take brownies to the new neighbor.  Just do it.  Stop being self conscious that they "might not like brownies" or "might not want to be bothered"  Offer to help your new mom friend with the cleaning or the laundry.  The worst that can happen is that she says "No thanks" and appreciates your kindness!  Offer to watch kids so your friend can go grocery shopping or take a nap or whatever!

You know, sometimes I feel like I'm the only one who has this social anxiety or thinks that I'm going to "bother" people if I call or knock on their door (even if I'm taking a treat or doing something nice).  I don't think that is true!  I think a lot of us worry about this but we should just stop.  Be vulnerable, put yourself out there and you might actually make a few friends.  This advice is especially for me.